You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
