Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
