Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
