Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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