they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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