Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
His nipple licking is glorious
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