Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
