My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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