We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize