He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
