Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
