How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
