why didn't you poke me back
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
