you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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