READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize