but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
