Quick, to the slutcave!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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