Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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