Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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