i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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