We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
