Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
