She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
