I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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