The maid of honor just puked.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's always time for handjobs
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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