A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
