i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
