Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize