Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
