when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
