So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
