Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
