just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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