I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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