i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
