you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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