I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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