I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i now understand why vodka
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
