I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
