i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
