how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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