I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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