I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
