my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize