Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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