He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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