you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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