So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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