just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
