you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
