Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
