yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
