i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
