Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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