It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
