I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she pinky promised me she was 18
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
