By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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