I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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