she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
two words: eviction party
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
