i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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