omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I looked at my own cervix.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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