how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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