I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
