Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
