My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
