I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
