i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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