I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
