Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
