I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
