Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
